I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
