This is not my ceiling
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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