I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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