I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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