Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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