So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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