A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
