Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
ok first of all what the fuck
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