In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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