I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He felt like a one man threesome
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
