right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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