every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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