Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
