I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
