I wish I could teleport
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
