he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
