It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
