there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
