'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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