she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
