Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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