Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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