I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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