The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
