I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
