I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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