If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The uberlube is also flammable
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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