he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
