you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
