so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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