she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
