dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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