i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
