Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
