Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
