somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the condom got lost in my hair
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
