next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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