my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
