Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
