I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
