I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
