Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
