Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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