i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
