I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
