Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
