I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
