I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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