Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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