Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
