FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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