If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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