Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
