I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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