if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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