I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
