when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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