was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
