She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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