Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
