he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
True college students do jello shots in the library
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
