I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
