So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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