Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
