so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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