Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
