Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
