you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
