Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
