My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
